Editorial Cartoonist Bob Patton

Posted March 9, 2007 by airship
Categories: Ramblings, The Internets

Vilsack

I love cartoons, comic strips, and comics. Of all these, the editorial cartoon is the only one that is considered ‘respectable’. There’s even a Pulitzer Prize awarded every year for ‘Best Editorial Cartoon‘.

My good friend Bob Patton hasn’t won his yet, but he’s an excellent political cartoonist for the Iowa City Press-Citizen newspaper. They’ve recently given Bob his own Blog so you can go check out his “Patton’s Pad” comics yourself:

http://mypc.press-citizen.com/blogs/blog.php?id_blogs=14

Moving….AGAIN

Posted February 10, 2007 by howesgal
Categories: Ramblings

Most of you know by now that the hotel we live in was sold and Mike lost his job and we lost our home.  So we will be moving in with Mike’s parents for a month or two until we relocate to the Quincy or Hannibal area.  Our cell phone numbers will not change.  You can send us stuff to PO Box 192, Fort Madison, IA 52627.  E-mail me if you want a physical address.  We have to be out of here by Feb 23rd.  I will still be able to check e-mails, as his parents have two computers.  We are sure becoming good at moving!!!  Love to all.

A Better way to Wage War in Iraq

Posted January 31, 2007 by airship
Categories: Ramblings

Iraqi WomenWaging war costs money. Lots and lots of money. Much more money than most of the victims of war have ever seen.

Way back in the days of the Vietnam War, I figured out that it cost $15,000 for the U.S. military to kill every Viet Cong it claimed to have killed. That was easily equal to the amount that your average Viet Cong earned in a lifetime. My logic was, why not just hand every Viet Cong you wanted to eliminate a check for $15,000, turn him into a capitalist, and save all that fuss, bother, and violence? And we wouldn’t have to send our kids into harm’s way.

I decided to work out the same figures for the war in Iraq.

Since you can’t tell who’s your enemy in this war, I figured I’d just include the whole population of Iraq in the equation. According to reliable sources (the Interwebs), Iraq has a total population of 25 million, 60% of whom are adults, which makes a total population of 15 million adults.

By all the best estimates, the war in Iraq has cost about $300 billion so far, which works out to about $20,000 apiece for every Iraqi adult. If we figure the total cost until the end of the war (about $1 trillion), that means we’re spending on the average about $66,666 apiece to wage war in Iraq.

If we just chose to not have a war, we could hand a check for that amount to every adult Iraqi. Since the average income of an Iraqi citizen was about $3000/yr. back in 80’s when things were relatively stable, and is down to about $1000/yr. now, a check for $66,666 would equal 66 years’ income for your average Iraqi. (The four Iraqi women shown in the photo with Hillary and her aide would get a total of $266,664, over a quarter of a million dollars.)

This is enough to turn them all into peaceful, America-loving citizens with an affluent Western lifestyle. Poof! No more problems. If any of them still wanted to cause difficulties, I’m sure the rest will act quickly to quiet them down. Maybe by reminding them that 30,000 of their peers didn’t have to die in a stupid war about oil. (And remember that, even with a war going on, Iraq is pulling in $20 billion a year in oil revenue, which is another $1333 per adult per year, if some way were found to divvy it up fairly.)

And we wouldn’t have to send our men and women into combat. Remember, this war has killed over 3,000 of them, crippled many more, and ruined their family lives.

Of course, the problem with this approach is that it doesn’t line the pockets of American defense contractors, and Dick Cheney’s war profiteer buddies wouldn’t make any money. Maybe we could just give every Iraqi $33,333, and hand the other half trillion over to them. Or we could advise them to go over to Iraq and sell them crap and make money that way. Isn’t that what capitalism is all about?

Nature is Not Our Friend

Posted January 26, 2007 by airship
Categories: Ramblings

Mule vs. Mountain LionFrom two separate news stories this week:

“A ten-foot shark swallowed a shell diver’s head, crushing his face mask and breaking his nose. Diver Eric Nerhus later told rescue workers he survived the attack from what looked like a great white shark by poking it in the eye.”

“A 65-year-old woman hiking in a state park near Eureka, Calif., drove off a mountain lion after it clasped her husband’s head in its jaws. After breaking a pen in an attempt to stab the large cat in its eye, she whacked the lion’s nose with a tree branch. That convinced the big cat to drop her husband and slink away.”

I’ve learned two very important things from these stories:

(1) If your head is being eaten by a shark, poke it in the eye. However, if your head is being eaten by a big cat, smack it on the nose. The poke-it-in-the-eye trick does NOT work on big cats!! We have no data on whether or not it works to smack a shark in the nose.

(2) We need to devote some serious research money to finding out why large, dangerous predators find human heads to be so delicious! Maybe a generous slathering of Brylcream is in order before going into their habitats? Or maybe they’d just find that even MORE appetizing, like A-1 sauce? We need to know.

(The image shows a mule vs. a mountain lion. Apparently the ‘pick-it-up-by-the-tail’ method is pretty effective, too!)

Valentine’s Greetings for 2007

Posted January 18, 2007 by airship
Categories: Ramblings

ValentineThe old-fashioned ‘sugar and spice’ Valentine’s Greetings from years past just don’t seem right to me anymore. Maybe we’re too sophisticated and cynical for that saccharine pap nowadays. Maybe we’re just too jaded to care about anything. Maybe it’s just me. I dunno.

In any case, here are some original greetings you can use on your Valentine’s Day cards this year.

Somehow, they seem to convey contemporary feelings more accurately than those syrupy poems from the days of yore. See what you think.


For Teacher

You’re overworked and underpaid,
Three times divorced and can’t get laid
By any man who’s your own age,
So meet me by the batting cage!
-I don’t CARE about our 17 year age difference,
[Your Name Here]

To My Beloved Victim in the Dungeon Under the Shed

I saw six murders on TV last night
But the CSIs got the clues all right,
I’m glad the good ones are on TV,
‘Cause the real-world guys just can’t catch me!
-Your Loving But Merciless Tormentor
[Your Pseudonym Here]

For a Male Friend From a Real Man Who’s Absolutely Sure About His Sexual Orientation

I don’t really love you
I’m sorry to say.
You’re attractive enough
But I don’t swing that way.
-Yours in Masculine Camaraderie,
[Your Name Here]

To My Online Dating MatchMate©

Your Playmate© photo quite intrigued me,
Your millions in the bank so pleased me,
I can’t wait to see and feel and hear ya,
When you come to visit from Nigeria!
-Here’s Hoping You Got the Cash Transfer Okay,
[Your Name and Bank Account Number Here]

For My Goth Vampyre Lady

Your hair is black, as are your nails,
Your eyelids, and your ponytails,
Your skin’s chalk white, your lips blood red,
Let me bite your neck, my dear undead!
-In Count Dracula’s Unholy Name,
[Your Name Here]

For My Online Sweetie

Wh3n w3 41M y0u m4k3 m3 5w00n,
3v3ry 71m3 w3 m337 1n 0ur pr1v473 ch47 r00m.
Y0u m4k3 m3 5w347, 4nd p4n7, 4nd 516h,
1 h0p3 y0u’r3 n07 4 62-y34r-0|d 6uy!
-Hoping Beyond Hope,
[Your Name Here]

For My Loving Husband, Just Home From Iraq

You lost both legs, an arm, an ear,
When that IED exploded in Iraq, my dear.
But though insurgents blew you apart,
I love what’s left of you, sweetheart.
-Your Loving Wife,
[Your Name Here]


Feel free to add your own Valentine’s Greetings in the comments.

married life is grand

Posted December 29, 2006 by howesgal
Categories: Ramblings

Ya know what? It really is. It’s kinda neat to say, “my husband”….hee hee I hope you all had a great x-mas. I spent christmas eve in Quincy Illinois at Mike’s sister’s house and all of his family *well most of them* were there. I had a migraine and had to lay down for a couple of hours, but after that things were peachy. Mike got me the CD I wanted, the Carrie Underwood CD. I know, she’s the little blonde that won American Idol, but she sure can sing! I love the CD! I highly recommend it. Well, I have lots to do, I just thought I would attempt to post something on here. Someone post!! Please! Uncle Markie went to a lot of trouble to get us set up. LOVE YA ALL!! Mrs. Howe tee hee

yea for me!

Posted October 13, 2006 by howesgal
Categories: Ramblings

Mike and I are finally doing it. Tying the knot. I never thought I would want to be married, but I really do! Mike is my love, my life. I can’t imagine coming home and him not being there. He has wonderful children, and a great family that has totally embraced me as one of their own. *not that I’m an orphan or anything* Pastor Harry (family friend of Mike’s parent’s) is going to marry us on October 20th. So fast! Not really, it’s been 9 freakin years, right??!! Sometime down the road we will have some sort of reception. Maybe if I get this settlement from the Dial Corporation for being short. HA HA